DIL is now 12 weeks along. I can relax a little :) I started looking at yarn to make baby stuff, but so far have resisted.

Bunnies are all over the place. With 2 beagles, that means lots of craziness, although Katy doesn't stay excited as long as Lucy does. The bunnies know they are safe because they just sit there on the other side of the fence while my dogs carry on. I'm sure the neighbors are thrilled.

Today I quit the group. I don't know if I will miss it or not, but right now I'm only feeling relieved. The group was down to 5 people - and two of them told me if I found another group, they want to go with me. Apparently I'm not the only unhappy one, but I've been the most vocal about things, so I think I have been seen as a troublemaker by the other two.

I have to admit it was nice to get some validation from the two who want to go elsewhere. Unfortunately, I still tend to doubt myself sometimes and wonder if the problems are all me. I'm getting better at that since I left the group before becoming resentful Resentment is one of my weaknesses. I'd love to eliminate it. I'm tired of it. I think I'm even bored with it.

The leader of the group claims she is totally surprised by my leaving and says she has no idea why.
But then you can't believe a word she says, which is a problem for me and added to my reasons for not being happy with the group. I haven't responded to that yet and I don't know if I will.

A few days off work - yay! Time to decompress.

When I was reading yesterday's newspaper, it was more like reading The Onion. Things I saw:

Mammograms cause breast cancer

Forgetfulness a sign of Alzheimer's

Reasons for obesity not caused by eating too much or lack of exercise.

Gays have older brothers. The womb makes them gay after producing a few boys.

And the most annoying thing was reading J.K. Rowling's comments about the next Harry Potter book. ARGH! I would have much preferred discovering those things WHILE READING the book!

I need to get in a pool. I missed the last couple of classes because of thunderstorms (they close the pool - insurance makes them) and I didn't sign up for summer session. I really should go to the newer Y and use their whirlpool, but I feel more self conscious there. It is almost always open swim there though and there's usually more room. My usual Y is more limited and is usually crowded at open swim. The last lesson I went to, I tried the breast stroke. I had been told it is one of the more difficult ones to do because the motions are not very intuitive for adults to learn. I also have a reputation for being slow to catch on :) So I swam across the pool and one of the teachers told me to do it again so the other teacher could see me. I did. They both had their mouths open in puzzlement. It turns out I was doing it just right. That just goes to show how HUGE this mental block is that I have had about rotary breathing while swimming. Anyway, my body really does do better when it has time in the water. I take a bath everynight, but I don't think I move around enough to get the full benefit :P

I think I am going to sign up for dance lessons this fall. The class is for line dancing, which I really don't plan to do a lot of, if any, but it's where I want to start. I had rhythm at one time, but I lost it. I want to see if I can find it again :) It's also advertised as great exercise. Anything to get exercise that isn't just exercise! If I find I can do that, then I might try more advanced things, we'll see.

I went to do crafts and tea but I didn't want to take my sock with me because I was at a place where I needed to be able to think. So I took the tank top I started long ago and forgot about. Now I want to finish that too. And finish my socks so I can start the next pair so I can start the pair after that.

My Moonville Tunnel pic won the contest (well, it was a random drawing). I'm awaiting my prize of a dvd, t-shirt and keychain.

The end is in sight for this work "week". My work weeks last 9-10 days. It's been a weird month as far as dealing with people. I blame the weather for some of the issues. Also, of the people who have been nice this month, many of them are going through bad times. I almost cried the whole way home after talking to one lady. I guess this is how it is when I am not an Ice Bitch :P

I wish something would go smoothly for my son and his wife who just moved into a house. First, the furnace didn't work. Then there was no hot water. Then the toilet didn't work. Then sewage backed up into their bathroom. Today I found out that the previous owner was NOT up to date on his taxes like they were told he was. That could mean that son will be responsible for paying that. Why can't they get a break? They just moved in weeks ago. sigh. Yes, they have warranty insurance that will cover major things if they need to be replaced, so it's not all bad. But the tax thing really makes me angry. They may have been taken advantage of because they are young and nice.

I did not walk in the Gay Pride Parade. I was unable to find my guy to walk with. But that's ok because husband and daughter then came downtown and we all watched the parade. I like colors so I liked seeing all of the flags :)

I'm thinking I may get out of my group thing. Another one dropped out and now I am the youngest.
A few are pretty close to my age, but I'm getting fed up. Complain complain complain. It seems like you get a group of women together and that's what they want to do. We went to the neat book store last week. One of them mentioned it was basically a fire trap. They went on and on until you would have thought we barely escaped with our lives. Someone said it smelled moldy. Someone complained about the uneven sidewalks. Complaints about a slice of pie being too small. Bleh.
I know I complain a lot here, but that's so I can get things off my chest without messing with anyone's happy. At least I hope it cuts down on that. So if we don't have any new people joining in the next couple of months, I think I'm out of there. I have been reminded of why I started doing so many things on my own. I know nobody is going to be complaining about something, nothing, and everything.

I went to dinner with another group of friends the other night and the contrast was amazing. In that group, I am the oldest. It's also women and men. But it was so much more fun, and everyone seemed to want to have a good time and nobody sat around complaining.

Back to my regularly scheduled life also means back to working. Each month I have to adjust after having some time off.

Family day on Sunday wasn't bad. It was hectic enough that nobody really focused much on anything or anyone. My sister-in-law said she'd like to start emailing so we can keep in touch. That was nice so we'll see what happens.

Mom gave me a book titled "Funny, you don't look like a grandmother" :) It's really cute. One of the first chapters is "What shall we name the grandmother?" She is already buying baby clothes at
garage sales. Some of it was pretty cute and some have never been worn. I think she likes this baby thing too.

A topic of brief discussion was my going hiking by myself. Last time I was there, one aunt asked me if I watch Dateline. According to her, I should because they tell about all of these women who just up and disappear. I said they probably just run away :P This time, a different aunt had to talk about all of the dangerous snakes in that area. Huh? I've never seen any snakes, and I've never read or heard any type of warning about snakes in the area. I'm not saying the area is completely snake free, but I don't think it's a valid reason to not go. Anyway, in a different conversation, this aunt also asked me if I watch Dateline. The show has her convinced there are pedophiles on every corner. What is it with Dateline? No offense to anyone who may read this and work at NBC :) I have no desire to start watching the show if that's the result.

Brother isn't aging well. I don't know what's up with that.

Husband and daughter are home. It looks like there will be a trip to IKEA in Pittsburgh in the future.

I think the stress of late is now under control. Back to my regularly scheduled life.

I watched a VERY funny movie last night. Sordid Lives. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0204640/
It's a very campy movie and you have to be in the right mood for it, but oh my, the one liners in it, given in a deadpan way totally cracked me up. My hair guy recommended it - he can quote many of the lines :) Once I established that Brother Boy was a brother and Sister, or Sissy, was an aunt, it made more sense - lol. I hope I can watch it again before I take it back to the library. The library is your friend.

Having a clean (enough for me) kitchen has caused my baking urges to resurface. I plan to bake brownies and cookies today. I've already made a blueberry/peach cobbler thing. It will only take a day or two for husband and daughter to reclaim the kitchen with their ways. *sigh*

The enneagram.

I find this pretty interesting stuff. I just retook the test after a few years.

http://similarminds.com/test.html

The difference in results from before is quite dramatic :) Previously, my result was always two.
which gradually became an "unhealthy two". This time, my result was a five - the main component being detachment.


Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||| 58%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||| 38%
Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||| 34%
Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 42%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||| 34%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 62%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||| 62%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||| 62%

The pendulum has swung from neediness to detachment. I think there are more changes to come though. I want to find a balance between those. I don't think I'm meant to be so detached, but I have no confidence in my ability to guage how much to invest in people. I'll keep plugging away at it though.

I have the house to myself for a few days. It was nice to get up to a clean kitchen :) I have been reclaiming the downstairs while the others are gone by getting things to my comfort level. I am outnumbered as far as that goes so I ususally just spend a lot of time upstairs.

I talked to my daughter while she was in the Mall of America. She plans to go to IKEA later today. She's never been to one before. I hope she can get me a catalog.

Adding to my discomfort level is that Aetna screwed around and I was out of some blood pressure medication for over a week because they decided they weren't going to pay for the kind I was taking. This was after getting a 5 minute automated call saying my prescriptions had been shipped. Then several days later, on a saturday, I got a letter saying this one was not going to be filled - deal with it. Ok, but it was Saturday so I couldn't deal with it for a few more days where I called my doctor and she gave me some samples and a new prescription to send off. I used to have to ask people about their health insurance for my job, and anyone who had Aetna, complained about it saying you have to fight for every little thing you get. But what we had previously was raising it's rates so much that Aetna is a few hundred dollars less per month.

Yesterday, June 10th, was our wedding anniversary. 28 years. Whoa. I can't be that old? I married young. Very young. We went to a nice seafood restaurant, that he picked. Why is that noteworthy? He has only recently started eating any seafood at all. Before, the only times we would go to a nice seafood place would be on my birthday - which usually involved a lesson for the kids about not complaining when someone else gets to choose. So who says you can't change a man after you marry him!? :)

I saw Denis Leary on Conan the other night where he gave his thoughts on how to have a long lasting relationship. He said spend as little time together as possible. Have very few mutual friends. I was laughing through the whole thing because basically, I agree with him. He said it's the easiest way to be able to put up with each other's crap :) I've found taking separate vacations can be a good thing as well.

I didn't get to knit in public yesterday - it was raining. I knit a while on the porch, but that's nothing different. I've started on the second sock. The first one ended up being about .5 inch too short. *sigh* My knitting looks much neater on this one too, but I think that's partly because I frogged the other one so many times that the yarn got messy. I may try a toe up for my next pair. In a few months, when we know if Baby B is a boy or girl, I might go crazy knitting little things :)

Today was a Do What I Want day. I got my hair done - my hair guy is great. He has invited me to walk with him in the Gay Pride parade for a big festival in town. I just may do this - it could be fun. He said I need more gay guys in my life :) He could be right! I went from there to having lunch on a patio at a place on High Street in perfect weather. Then I went to the Park of Roses.









I went from there to a yarn store where I felt a lot of yarn and bought some cotton sock yarn. I just don't like the way wool feels so that means I'm much more limited in colors. I bought some Fixation so we'll see how I like it.

From there I went to Barnes and Noble and looked around. I managed to get out of there without buying any books. Near each one I was tempted to buy was a book I have bought but have not read. I should work on the pile I have by my bed before buying more. Also, if I buy more, I will have to get a new shelf or get rid of some books. I think I could live with one more shelf in here...

Then I came home and cleaned my office and the bathroom. That wasn't something I really wanted to do, but I sure feel better now that it's done.

Son and DIL heard the heartbeat today. (well, actually on the 7th)
She's 8 weeks pregnant.
Baby is one inch long.
Technology is amazing.

The group thing - issues were worked out. If only leader could see that all of the crap could have been avoided if she had just said what her plans were in the beginning.

A few months ago, she mentioned she had tickets to see Cesar (The Dog Whisperer) when he comes to town in July. She asked if I was interested and I was, in kind of if I'm not doing anything else way. Then last night she announced that for that, I am to pick up her mom and get there, across town, at 10am. It starts at noon. I was like "Huh? We go early to save you a seat and you get there at noon?" She said her husband is going too and he wouldn't want to wait that long. I was dumbfounded. She has the "time" issues - she has to be places at a certain time or she gets grouchy. Her husband has the lazy SOB control issues, and *I* am to accommodate them??

I don't think so.

I had conquered my Starbucks habit. Ok, so I admit I replaced it with a tea habit. There are worse things to be addicted to. Then someone gave me a Starbucks gift card. I tried their green tea blackberry frappuccino - oh my was it tasty. I ordered it then went to the restroom and I forgot to say No Whip. I checked online when I got home - 530 calories!!
Holy crap! But it gave me 40% of my recommended daily calcium....

I also found a new tea house. It has far fewer choices and fewer things to eat, but I tried more green tea and a rice donut with red bean paste. The donut tasted better than it sounds. I must have been in a try new things mood because later I went to a new ice cream place with weird flavors. I got a sampler (3 small scoops) with lime cardomom, lavender blueberry, and dark cocoa gelato. I couldn't detect any cardomom, but I really liked the other two. I hear some people stick with vanilla - I won't mention any names :)

I finally cleaned out my car the other day. I was surprised how dirty it was. It's pretty funny that I drove mom around in it before cleaning it out. That could have given her fodder for a few hours of conversation...."and there were CRUMBS
on the console!!!". Ha! Then today I managed to get a start on pulling the weeds. I tell ya, the free standing condos I have to check out for work at times sound pretty good.....no lawn maintenance. But then they would just use a bunch of chemicals...

Thinking more about how someone can continue certain behaviors for so long....this person specifically has her family totally enabling her to do this. But then that's what people do - we surround ourselves who give us what we need.
Some people feel they are helping others by enabling their weaknesses, as is likely in this case.

So as a person who at one time had a need to be needed, I've changed to a person who has an aversion to neediness, mine or others (my kids are excluded from this aversion). I get annoyed when I perceive emotional weakness if the person has no interest in trying to get stronger. I see it as totally selfish. It seems like these types I have come across tend to see themselves as "special". So special that of course I should be willing, if not happy, to accomodate them and their behaviors. Sorry, I don't buy that any more.

The need to be needed can be a good thing, if the person is emotionally healthy. It can make for great nurses and other types of professions. I believe it was a great quality to have as a mom. But life, or an event can throw things out of whack. If the need to be needed is based on justifying your existence, it's not a good thing.

I had more to say, but it's getting late.

A neat pic that I took a while back. It's Chihuly glass in the ceiling of a hallway at the Franklin Park Conservatory. It's now my wallpaper.

I caved. The air conditioner was turned on today. My poor puppies looked miserable. Last year we went all summer with no air conditioner. It wasn't working and we were waiting until we had to replace the furnace so we could do it all at once. The thing is, I LIKED not having air conditioning. I like having the windows open, fans blowing, lazy summer days in the hammock, drinking ice cold lemondade on the porch to cool down. Everyone thought I was insane :) Husband liked the electric bill so he didn't complain, plus he was in air conditioning all day. But the babies must be comfortable, so when it gets too hot, the air conditioner will be turned on. We may be able to turn it off tomorrow.

Tomorrow starts busy 10 days of work after having time off where I accomplished little around here.
We helped son and DIL move into their house and that did me in. I will be able to relax more when she starts her second trimester. On the way there, I stopped for lunch at a place called Teabaggers. Yes, I said Teabaggers.

I went to a neat book store. http://www.bookloft.com/ While there, I saw a 18,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. The completed puzzle measures 16' x 9'. I find myself intrigued at the idea. But the logistics - where would I be able to try to put something like that together? Think of all the room you would need just to be able to see the pieces. Yet still.....

Group dynamics - ugh. A group of women is even more UGH. Group leader has issues. She is one to avoid confrontation at any cost. This is the most extreme case I have ever seen, and I've seen some up close and personal. She tells people whatever she thinks they want to hear and then will immediately contradict herself. Basically, you can't believe a word she says. She considers herself to be nice....much nicer than anyone else. Everyone else in the group has been asking to get together more often, but leader doesn't want to. She has been using me as her excuse - saying I can't afford it. WTF? I am pissed. I took a month off in March to build my savings up some after it had been depleted, but I said all along, it was only for a month. She has been using that to others since then. I called her on it. She freaked out. Another person showed me an email where leader put it all on me even after I called her on it. Then she emailed me a big sob story saying she wants the group to be perfect and she gets so sad when it's not. Good grief. How has she managed to pull this crap for so long in her life? I told her if that's the case then she's setting herself up to be sad a lot of the time. Oh the drama. Bleh.